I Couldn't Have Loved You.


It's not that you weren't right. It isn't because you were too much or not enough. You see, we were raised to believe that the world was black and white, left or right, up and down but nothing in between. Nothing under or beyond the lines that we weren't supposed to cross or hell even step in to. It's always just the two choices and one that you have to make. Do you get it? 

The entire world has their system of beliefs set and I have mine. In a way, maybe we really weren't made to make sense to each other. Maybe we were just meant to pass by and never look back. Our skin may have grazed each other but it wasn't supposed to linger. All of these because I couldn't love you the way you wanted to be loved. 

I shouldn't have gotten in a relationship in the first place but at that time, you were there and I desperately needed for something to be okay. Honestly, I realized that I have become the person I hated. I have become like the person who had broken my heart and left it beyond repair. I was hopeful. But even that little part of me betrayed us both. I was hopeful that letting you through the walls I built would make me forget about my past love. I was hopeful that in the end, I would have loved you as much as I love her. 

It wasn't meant to end this way. I'm sorry. I wasn't able to give myself to you because I felt like there wasn't anything to give anymore. I was still thinking of the mistakes I did before and questioning every decision I made before I met you. I was a mess and I didn't want you to get involved in that. 

I couldn't open up to you because I was afraid that I'd get too attached and you'll leave like how she left me. So I left. I didn't want to try anymore because I knew that at that point, I couldn't have started loving you. 

I couldn't love you because what I've felt for the person before you, still lingers and creeps through every vein of my body. Through every strand of my hair and the presence of my being. I couldn't get over her. I still think of her as someone who I want to end up with. I still wait for her name to pop on my screen everytime I receive a message. I wanted her back. All of her.

If you're reading this, I hope you find the right one for you. The person who will give you all the things that I couldn't. Who will appreciate you in every way that you deserve. You will find her and she will love you in more ways than I couldn't. Sorry.

Written By Angela Mari Solis

Bio: Spends most time being a busy person. Writes so that she can avoid insanity.

Twitter: @gengelamari