Why Start Something When We Already Know It Has To End?

becky-curl.jpeg

Four dollar coffees filled to the brim with fresh anxiety.
It’s been eight months, and I’m not sure what to expect.
I buy my own coffee because I don’t want to feel awkward.
I buy my own coffee because I don’t want you to feel awkward.

You ask how I’ve been, and it takes all that I have not to break down and cry.
Busy, stressed, tired.
The go-to answers of someone who has honestly just had enough.

I hold onto my coffee like it’s the life preserver in the icy river, and I’m the fool who decided to jump right in.

Is this stupid?
Why are we even doing this?

I know nothing is permanent, but why start something when you already know it has to end?
Just one month, if even that, and I might never see you again.
This seems like an awful lot of hurt for so little time.

But time with you is worth so much more than any numbers could ever give meaning to.
Two minutes or two years, I will take what I can get and cherish it.

It’s never been like this with anyone before.
It’s never been this easy, this comfortable.
It just makes sense.

Sensible?
Never.
Throw logic out the door and for once just live in the moment.
Love in the moment.

Each day truly is a gift, and we can get so distracted by this silly measurement called time.

If time is a construct, then why are we all so worried?

You shouldn’t have expectations.
You should just let whatever happens happen.
But don’t you miss the daydreaming when you don’t let your mind wander and trace out all that could be?

I wish I could carve out a map for you before you go to make sure that your journey will lead you back to me.
That I could mark out all of the milestones and pinpoint the places that I’ll know you want me.

But I can’t do that.

I made a promise to myself to never hold anyone back after the first time, and I intend to keep that promise.

Two people who are meant to be together will always find their way back to each other.

And who knows,
I have not seen your map yet;
Maybe it actually does end with
me.

Written By Becky Curl

Bio: I am a freelance writer, make-up artist, and wig designer from Chicago, IL. Art is my life.

Twitter: @curl_becky - Instagram: @becky_curl - Facebook: @curl.becky - Website: www.beckycurl.com