Seven Ways To Die

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There are seven ways to die.

One.
Jump. Tell your family, that you loved them, and sorry, for not upholding the life you gave them.
You have lived in the lap of luxury, and now, you’re burning it all up in flames.

Two.
Pop goes the molly, down goes all the alcohol, along with these pills
What if you finally wake up?
The insurmountable hospital bills, from this, this reckless, decision you have made.
The guilt, followed by an “I’m sorry”, the guilt, oh the guilt
It hugs your face, and you are genuinely sorry, but no tears fall.
They weep.
They weep of the happiness that you are finally, awake and able to receive the love they have oh so prepared
To shower you
But what is love
When you feel everything and nothing at once
These voices, you can’t tell
Which are yours
And which are theirs
By theirs I mean
The ones that came to stay
Ever since that first attempt.
They never left.

Three.
This is not a numbered list poem, this is a wake up call
For those clinging on to dear life
At the very moment
Pop the champagne, celebrate
That you’ve survived another year
The cheers that drown out
The screamings, finally
What a distraction
Till today, I still feel sorry
Sorry for feeling like dying
Sorry for the amount of times I tried to
Not live, tried to escape life
Tried to not be there
For your best friend’s twenty first birthday
Because you felt like
“You should stay at home today”
Was it you, or them?

Four.
Smoke your life away, cigarette by cigarette.
Spend your last dollars
On that pack you so craved
But all you craved
Was to feel again
The hit, d-d-dopamine hit,
Surges up
While you get knocked down
By life’s problems
By an empty wallet.
By a heart vacated, a soul exhausted
By a “shouldn’t you be quitting”
By a “you shouldn’t quit because of me”
But what else is there to live for
Belittled by your own legacy
Self derogatory
There was nothing
More amazing than you
You are unique, ignore your doppleganger, it was only
Made for you to relieve
That you are not the only one suffering
Not the only one
Going through this multitude of predicaments

Five.
Cross a road and hope that it hits you.
Those cars only remind me of
You, that night
We were sitting
On that backseat, i felt infinite
Followed by a “this is too good to be true”
And you really left.
But did not know
I was dying to leave
Dying to die
And you were, maybe, a mere reason not to
Because what is a more tragic story
Than a widowed lover
Blindsided by the vigour she brought to the party
That is the two of you
Two of us, the us i cannot call
Anymore

Six.
Tell people that you want to die
This only increases
The possibility of you dying
Because you don’t want to disappoint anymore
Because the amount of times where
You thought you met expectations
All you got was frowned faces
And from then on
Decided your life was a mistake

Seven.
Not letting people love you
Not letting those texts go through
“Stay strong, hang on”
Emoji hearts
Followed by a read receipt.
A read receipt that signifies
A sad mind dignified
A rejected love
Is one that goes lost
Into the air, the wind that whistles past

Written By Chelsea Yin

Bio: Design student. I write as a form of catharsis.

Instagram: @chelsyells2 - @chelsyells