I don’t think you will ever understand the impact you had on my life. The day I met you was the day I decided to change. I decided that I wanted to be better, be good, do amazing things. It was all because of you.
You see, I was always ambitious. I was more competitive than anyone you have ever met. I did everything to be the best at everything I did. I put my heart into everything. Then one day, my world came crashing down. I went into a deep spiral that lasted for a few years.
My goals were lost, my ambition was gone. My life as I knew it, was over. I became antisocial. The girl that used to be the life of the party now spent every night in sweatpants, all alone. I couldn’t remember how to be me. Something that is unexplainable and I still to this day can’t really comprehend.
Then you came along. My brother called me and warned me you were coming. I had a few months to prepare, but nothing could have prepared me for you. I have never wanted my own children. The job seems so tough. I didn’t think I was cut out for it. I still don’t know if I ever will be. But Oliver, the day I met you. My heart felt a warmth that it had never felt. I owe a lot to you. I have so much love for you. I know that I am not around much. I hope in the future I can be.
It will be years before you understand anything that I am writing. When that time comes I will explain so much more to you. Oliver, handsome boy with bright blue eyes, you saved me. The touch of your soft skin next to me. Your little grins and giggles. Your rapidly growing vocabulary. The way you show your emotions so simply. The sweetness in your soul.
I don’t know if you, or anyone else for that matter, will ever understand why. I don’t truly believe I understand. But you brought me back to life. God gave you the power to be my angel. I want to be everything and more for you. You are why I started writing again. I want the freedom to be able to come see you. To be there for important moments. You gave me enough strength to battle the pain behind the words I write.
This is my thank you note to you Oliver. I am so excited to watch you grow and become a wonderful man like your father. You have the most amazing parents in the world and you are surrounded by so much love. I just ask for one thing from you. Don’t give up on me. There will be times that I may get lost in the future. Just know that you have my heart and I will find my way back. I love you.