I’ve heard a lot about losing all the sparks after the 5-year mark and to be honest, it sometimes bugs me, at least in the earlier part of my long-term relationship. I was thinking, would it really eventually send all the thousands of butterflies I’ve been welcoming all these years? Would his scent which makes my heart flutter eventually mean nothing to me? Would his singing voice eventually fade into the usual background noise? Would his touch cease from sending shiver to my spine? It was even more tiresome to give it a thought than to actually take care of your significant other. I was a foolish over thinker until I really got tired of thinking and began to realize that my efforts in this relationship are wearing thin because of overthinking. I’ve found out that I’m making my SO uncomfortable for being in the worryland for days instead of making sensible conversation with him. Thinking about it now, it just makes me shake my head. Instead of fearing what’s about to happen why not deal with what’s in front of you.
The more you get to know each other, the more you get so comfortable in each other, thus the familiarity makes you lose the sparks. But the million dollar question is, was it all about the spark? In my opinion, making a relationship work out is not directly dependent to maintaining the sparks between you. Luckily, we have established our friendship and reconciled our differences before we even realize that the sparks would eventually deplete. His scent would always remind me of the days we were just starting going out, and it sends back the butterflies in my stomach. His singing voice remains as a lovely melody to my ear and I don’t think I would be tired of listening to it anytime soon. His touch brings security and comfort.
These sparks I’ve identified above, if you have noticed, we’re all physically-triggered. Relationship isn’t all about physical satisfaction. To be able to turn the sparks into authentic fire, a couple should be able to have deeper connection and compatibility which differentiate platonic friendship from romantic love. Physical intimacy is bliss, but I love it better when he remembers how a particular coworker annoys me or how I find a certain friend’s sneeze adorable or when he thought about spending the weekend with my nephews and nieces. These things are less intense, more comfortable, less immediate and more sustainable.
Did I lose the sparks? Sometimes, and that’s the reality of it. But the connection and comfort that my 7-year relationship gives me is way better than the short-lived sparks.