"We sometimes find ourselves in the middle of the blurry streets. The paths are unknown and the journey is uncertain but it wont stop us from walking."
Middle life crisis. I suppose this is what has been happening to me right now. I have been thinking about random things but I haven't found any answers until God talked to me.
Random things checklist
25. Single and counting
I am always wondering if there is something wrong with me physically, mentally and emotionally. I think I am perfectly fine but I am not sure why am I "unlucky" when it comes to romantic relationship. Most people say that maybe I have high standards* and that let me question my own perception and self esteem. Does that mean that if some random guy tells me that he likes me, even without the "spark" I should tell him that I like him too for the sake of having a partner?
*Noun. The base of having an ideal relationship which is always compromised by many due to impatience of one party and social pressure.
God told me this:
"God's gracious word can make you into what he wants you to be and give you everything you could possibly need" - Acts 20:32 (MSG)
Does God wants me to be alone or does he have a better plan than entering into a relationship and travel with him once a while and planning a future together?
Fitting in. Standing out.
There are times that I feel I do not belong to a certain circle of friends. I feel alienated and I do not feel like I am myself when I am talking to them. I feel like I want to hibernate*. I questioned life's purpose. Does my actions towards this life makes any sense?
*Verb. An act of being introvert and ignoring people that doesn't help your growth and makes you feel that you are less valuable.
God told me this:
He created the church to meet your five deepest needs: a purpose to live for, people to live with, principles to live by, a profession to live out, and a power to live on.
Maybe we need to find people/ community who will lift us up instead of putting us down. Maybe hibernating is not the solution but making goals to look forward to life's meaning and purpose.
Being a young adult could be stressful. Trying to be independent and looking for someone to depend on is actually the perfect blend for anxiety. I got so busy with things that I think are 'priorities' that I forgot that He too needs my time. I spend my time with the wrong people. I waste my energy to some activities that would mean nothing in the future. I didn't open other opportunities to grow spirituality and instead I got blinded with temporary happiness in life.
God told me this:
Talk to God before talking to the person...No one can meet all your needs except God.
God has a way of coming back to our life even if we unintentionally left him behind due to things that we thought will stay. forever*
*Adverb. A term synonymous to impossible that is widely use to describe the term of a relationship.
In conclusion, I still have tons of thoughts and questions that are left unanswered but God re assured with the following:
Growth is often painful and scary.
Maybe it is a good thing that we feel sorrow in our life at the moment because that means that we are learning something unconsciously. We might not be able to realize it now but as time pass by, we will thank everything that it happened.
Don't get in hurry.
Everything takes time. One baby steps at a time, they said. Soon we will have all the things we need and we should not always forget to believe God is working in your life even when you don't feel it.
For now, it is ok not to have all the answers and we are not supposed to be. It is ok to have a problem, everyone has it. It is ok to be sad, that is a privilege of being alive.
(Reference: Purpose Driven to Life by Rick Warren)