Fresh From The Bottom Of The Worst Place I've Ever Been

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It took twenty years for me to find myself.
And just one night for you to take it all away.
Fast forward three years, and I’m starting new.
Again.

Fresh from the bottom of the worst place I’ve ever been.
Things are looking up, for once.
I see hope.
A shiny new job, an opportunity to become.
What I’ve always wanted.

To be happy.

I’ve been heavily criticized for this wish,
As if my dreams are irrelevant because they aren’t composed of tangible things.
(Some days I wonder if I am still considered one of those things).
Every time I step so close to where  I can feel like I’ve finally made it, my surroundings change, and close becomes farther and farther and farther
Away.
From this place.
I can’t do this anymore.
No one should start their day crying
Before they are even paid to do so.

Eat
Live
Breathe
Work, and it’s not
Enough.
With all of this.
This isn’t how you are supposed to live your life.
If this is my passion, then why aren’t I happy?

Take out the business and there it is.
The art.
The reason I’m here.
(Isn’t that the reason we all came here?)
So far
From where I thought I’d always be.
Just when you finally think you’ve finally found the end it begins again.

Hello my name is
I can’t do this anymore.
What can I do to get myself out of this place?
No I’m sorry, we can’t
Find ourselves here anymore.
Please call back later and
Maybe I’ll finally have found my way back.
Back to five years ago when the pieces were finally starting to fit together.
As I was placing the last piece into the puzzle, and you pulled it from my hands
And kept it.
And ever since then I’ve been trying so hard to find it.
In you.
In others.
In my work.
In these words.
And nothing has ever been quite right.
Maybe it never will be, and I’ll always have this hole.

Right where my dreams used to be.

Written By Becky Curl

Bio: I am a freelance writer, make-up artist, and wig designer from Chicago, IL. Art is my life.

Twitter: @curl_becky - Instagram: @becky_curl - Facebook: @curl.becky - Website: www.beckycurl.com