Is Suffering The Difficult Part Or Healing?

Written By Afshan Zia

Author Bio: I'm moody writer who likes to read,dream, travel and click way too many pictures. - Instagram: @afshanism

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It’s been two years since I got through the worse part of my life. Now when I take a trip down the memory lane, I don’t return with tears and self pity, I feel proud. I smile at myself in the mirror and say ‘I made it’. ‘we made it’. But let me tell you this one thing, my journey so far hasn’t been an easy one. I thought I’d never make it till here, that I’d be stuck in time while my demons peg the flags of victory all over me. The heartache of being cheated on by a dear friend, losing my grandfather piece by piece, not performing well overall, the constant thoughts of leaving it all behind and running away. It wasn’t easy. And I didn’t want to give up. So I suffered in silence, I screamed into my pillow until my throat went dry, I cried every night until my eyes were all swollen up. But I showed up with a smile because I couldn’t let the world know that I am hurting, that I’m slowly losing, even though it was killing me. I continued hurting myself until I couldn’t. One morning I woke up with my eyes swollen, but before the tears could reach my eyes, I told myself to shut up, stop and breathe. And that’s what I did, I applied for a leave, took a break and decided to give myself another shot at happiness; no matter how long it takes. I decided to visit my grandparents residing in my native place. In their ancient stories I realised the course of life and that there will always be darkness, but at the end of the tunnel there will be light. I started going on trips with my friends, in their company, and excitement to visit a new place, I found a zest to live again. I took myself out for movies, coffee dates and cancelled plans to sit at home and write for myself. In solitude I found happiness. I made a decision to buy myself a chocolate or an ice cream after a long day at work, to remind myself that ‘I made it’. ‘we made it’. In self love I found myself. 

So if you ask suffering was hard, I’d say yes. Carrying a heavy weight over your chest and still smiling for the world is never easy. But what was even more difficult? Putting an end to it and moving on. Taking deep breaths and slowly whispering ‘It’s fine, we can do this’, when my entire world was crumbling down. Wiping my own tears and trying to find the reason behind my misery. Leaving it all behind and going in the right direction was the difficult part. Turning my negative emotions into positive ones was the difficult part. But believe me it gets easier. And If there’s something that I’ve learned from the pain, suffering and healing is that you grow out of it, you evolve and change. Nothing ever lasts, neither pain, nor happiness. So why not make the most of what comes our way? After all everything is an experience, right?