You see?

Written By Bradley Phillips

Author Bio: This is one of my first pieces to submit to any website so if you like it ill submit more and work harder on this bio! Im from Kentucky and ive been writing for awhile. - FACEBOOK

bradley-phillips.jpeg

NOV 30TH 2:18 AM
                                        You see. 

You see
I dont know how to really express myself. 
I like to write but dont really know how. 
I like to learn but I cant seem to get my thoughts in order. 
You see, 
I cant really express myself in a way people understand. 
I dont know how to talk about the rabbit hole unless i accidently invite you down it or reference the matrix because i actually love MOVIES
I dont really know. 
You see, 
When I'm awake it doesnt feel that way. 
It feels like everythings cloudy and muggy like looking at a city sky line from afar just as the sun begins to rise after a stormy night and everything is the color of an old western movie and the buildings are black drawings. 
I learned that when i look at things for too long i drift away too often and think of distant memories
I yearn for a future that may never come
I hope for a future i dont know how to create myself and thus, 
You see, 
I dont know how to explain to someone how fun it is to suck helium out of a balloon on their birthday unless i show them
Im always the first to tell people to be happy, their problems arent that big of a deal, that they can get through it, how fun they are and how easy it is to make them laugh
because. Im the first one to crack jokes. 
Im so far gone that it makes the distance between the lightswitch and my bed seem so far yet, 
You see, 
This is as close as i can get and as far as ill ever go
A stowaway on a space ship that no one knows exists hoping ill end up creating a story for myself. 
If i only knew what to do id do it, if only i knew what to say id say it, IF ONLY i knew who to be id chase after them! 
Being in the presence of someone whos words bounce off you like bullets hitting a bullet proof vest but let me tell you something.
 it STILL LEAVES A MARK. 
you still feel it. Its not like watching a youtube video or just simply listening to someones words. you have to feel what they're saying to truly understand their message but how can you when death is absract to you and love is just a ""chemical reaction"". 
when you still say black people and white people instead of just saying their name. 
when women say ""help me"" and all you can reply with is excuses instead of fucking helping them
when people are dying over seas and all you can do is say ""that sucks"" and go to work like nothing happened. 
no. its more than that. no. its much more than that. no. its more than words can express. no. ITS MORE than i can express. NO. its understanding. No its love. no its MEANING ITSELF. No. Then what is it?!  
Do you see?