To My First, This Is For You

Written By Alyson Cloe Reynoso

BIO: Just a 19 year-old who wants to share a little bit of herself to the world.

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To my first,

I'd like to start by telling you that I do take relationships very seriously, primarily because I dislike the idea of hurting someone else's heart due to my carelessness and poor choices. I know what it feels like to cry in the middle of the night – this kind of emotional trauma is not something that I want you to experience. Believe me, it's painful. So, please don't even attempt to play with my emotions and act as if you've got no balls to tell me what you really feel. 

To be honest, I can be complicated at times. I tend to overthink and panic on certain situations – I’m really a paranoid at times (or maybe most of the time). I’m not going to lie; there are moments wherein I don’t feel confident about myself. I get grumpy and annoyed about the little things when I’m not in the mood. I avoid social interactions when I don’t feel like conversing with people I know, despite how close I am to them. I am very much indecisive when it comes to the clothes I want to wear, food I want to eat, places I want to visit, and things I want to do – although I feel like I’m getting better at it. I take up so much time every morning just for me to really get ready. I have these days when I just want to stay at home and wallow for no apparent reason, and that is just me trying to be alone. And the most important thing that I want you to take note of is that I have tendencies to push people or good things away especially when I fear of attaching myself to the unknown. Despite all these, I hope that you will still accept me. 

I’m a very traditional person. I’m the type who likes to go through the process of courtship. So, don't ever think that I’m overreacting if one day I ask you to seek for my parents' approval to date me. Don't ever think of this gesture as a waste of time because, to me, it means more than anything to introduce you to the most important people in my life. Don't ever think that I don’t love you just because I don’t want to kiss on the lips and give in to having sex with you. Please understand that I have many reservations and I'd like to keep it this way until the day I get married. Letting you put your lips and body onto mine is not the only measurement of how much I love and truly want to be with you. Don't ever forget that. 

I love being in quiet places – please take me to museums, libraries, and parks. I love the sound of birds chirping in the background. I love windy afternoons even if it messes up my hair. I love the smell of fresh flowers. I love looking at the sky, especially when the sun is about to set. I love going to craft stores and buy all sorts of things. I love going to theme parks and riding roller coasters no matter how scary they may be. I dislike coffee; its smell makes me nauseated. But if you’re a coffee type of person I’d gladly make one for you every morning or every time you need one, together with freshly-baked bread. I dislike watching horror movies because I end up having nightmares that make me restless at night. I dislike going to bars and clubs – I went there one night with my friends; I didn’t enjoy being inside a congested space where people are drinking, smoking, and making-out. I wish I did because I was with great people, but I really hated it – I guess I’m just not into to those stuff. However, this doesn’t mean that I will stop you from going to these places. I won’t mind if you drink, just know your limitations and be mindful of the things that you ought to do. You deserve a night out every so often, and I am not in control of you, please remember that. 

Trust me when I say that I'm going to love holding hands with you. I’m going to feel butterflies in my stomach each time you look at me. I’m going to blush and turn red like a tomato whenever you tell me that you love me. I’m going to enjoy having breakfast, lunch, dinner, and movie dates with you. I’m going to love listening to car music whenever I go on road trips with you. I’m going to love receiving handwritten letters, text messages, and calls from you, no matter how short they may be – knowing that you remembered me after a long, busy, and exhausting day is enough. I’m going to love all the stories, jokes, silly dreams that you will share to me – you can count on me to be a good listener always. 

Believe me; we're going to have some arguments, petty fights, and misunderstandings along the way. If ever we experience these things, please give me some space to think things through. Don't get too anxious, don't overanalyze me, and don't ever think that I will stop loving you just because we can't figure things out. Here's the thing, I’m a very forgiving person but don't abuse me. I’m very understanding, so please don't make up stories, and lie to me. Just be honest about what you think or feel, and trust me, I will do the same.

My love, I look forward to being with you during the good and bad days of our lives. I can’t wait to tell you my stories and hear yours too. I can’t wait for the adventures that we will be having. I can’t wait to be your anchor and source of strength in times of difficulty. I can’t wait to get to know you better. I can’t wait for us to pray for our hopes and dreams together. I can’t wait for the unforgettable memories that we are about to create. Most of all, I can’t wait to tell you how much I love you and how grateful I am to have met such an amazing man like you. 

Always,