How Do You Know If They’re The One?

Written By Kimberly Pavon

How Do You Know If They're The One?

I wanted to debunk the idea of not knowing until you get there kind of thing because if there’s a way to know if he or she is the one you are destined to spend the rest of your life with, then why not? You wouldn’t be wasting your time, effort, and energy with the wrong person.
I interviewed a few couples who are happy in their relationships to get to the bottom of this endless paradox.

When asked, “how do you know?” Usually, they just simply know. No ‘what ifs,’ no questions asked. Even when they have arguments, when asked if they are happy in their relationships, they will still say yes without a doubt.

I know that people are often afraid to raise their expectations and standards because sadly, reality is not as pretty as it seems. The relationships we usually watch and read about are too idealistic, as to what they say. And although this may be true in some cases, in other cases, as idealistic as it may seem, it is still feasible.

A lot of times, I hear my single friends telling me that maybe the reason for them being single is because of their expectations from the person. Although their expectations are pretty ordinary, and should be something that comes out naturally in a relationship – things such as talking to each other every day, resolving fights, being honest and loyal, going on dates, the basic stuff. Why are these things suddenly so hard to do? Why are these things suddenly regarded as ‘asking for too much’?

One of my friends talked to me about her past relationships and how she knew that her current one is her last. When asked about the uncertainties of life, she knows that there are possibilities, temptations, and obstacles. However, what she assures me is that when it’s with the right person, those uncertainties are irrelevant – things that you wouldn’t really worry about.

She told me that she used to sacrifice so much, lowering her standards to the point that she doesn’t even know if it’s a relationship she’s in or a one-sided attempt in getting this person to acknowledge her feelings. When she met her current boyfriend, she never thought that he would actually exist. She would often tell me how he’s everything she can ever imagine and more. His existence is proof that the one exists, the right person exists, and there is one for each and every one of us, who will not only meet our standards but also surpass them.

On the other side of the spectrum –
I have another friend whom I talk to often as well, and I know her as one who has extremely high standards, who is very chill and sometimes, rather ignorant. However, it is the first time I saw her really value someone. In her relationship with her guy, they survived three years knowing the risks. My friend’s parents disapprove of the relationship and it has become a constant struggle for them to meet each other because of it, but they made it work. They are still going strong, and I’m happy for my friend because she met someone who can actually make her bend some rules just to be with.

Her past relationships were not as serious as this one, and the fact that she tries to make it work by adjusting, is another proof that when you meet the right person, things such as “it’s not me to do this or that” turn to be things that are “I know I can adjust myself a little because I really value this person and I want to make it work.”

Of course, you don’t have to change yourself for that person because the right one will accept you for who you are, but you try to match his or her needs because you want to be compatible with your partner. After all, love without sacrifice is not love at all. If you don’t see yourself giving anything to that person, then that’s not love.

So friends, that’s how you know he or she is the one.
You don’t need to ask about “who is that girl he’s talking to ” or “who is that guy she’s with” because that person will tell you honestly. You don’t need to be assured because you will feel it through his or her actions. You don’t need to be together all the time because you know that one day you won’t have to leave his or her side anymore. You don’t need to know the future because you know that person is staying for good no matter what happens.
- k